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6 Types of Bad Tattoos

6 Types of Bad Tattoos

What are the worst tattoos out there? Well, while I could spend hours on end deconstructing and going over each glorious disasterpiece with the morbid fascination of a person watching a car crash in slow motion there are just way too many of those and I couldn’t possibly go through all of them in just one article. So, I decided to instead go through the various types of bad tattoos that crop up, because, for every abominable tattoo you find, there are 10 more just like it that follow… Like some demented conga line of bad grammar, worse ideas and bone chilling portraits that look more like some Lovecraftian creature than a beloved family member.

 

Typos

I mentioned bad grammar so I’ll start with possibly the most common type of bad tattoo, the typo.
I just can’t wrap my head around this one. How the fuck do you let this happen?!?! I don’t know, the only way I could imagine something like this coming about is if there was this magical combination of illiteracy, inattention and an inexplicable inability to fucking google that shit… both on the part of the customer and the artist. Even if you want to tattoo something in English but it’s your second language and you don’t know the exact spelling there are soooo many points where that can be rectified. Googling it beforehand, even before you step into the tattoo studio. You fucking up but then the tattoo artist saying: “dude, you spelled it wrong” and fixing it. You assuming the artist knows how to spell, him fucking up, but then you looking at the stencil he made and seeing the error. It just boggles the mind how glaring mistakes like that can remain unnoticed during the whole process.


Brand fans

I didn’t even know this category existed until I started looking up bad tattoos for this article. Apparently there are some people who love a certain brand or product so much that they are willing to show their appreciation and loyalty by permanently tattooing their logos or what have you on their bodies. The most recurring theme I saw was car brands. So you have people with Ferrari logos on their legs, Chevrolet logos on their arms or Audi logos on their fingers, but that is far from the end of it. I’ve seen people with Coca Cola signs, Apple logos or even that Lacoste crocodile on their chest. While some of them I can understand and maybe justify (and that is stretching the word to breaking point), like tattooing the three lines symbol for the Monster energy drink, a logo that looks kinda cool and won’t necessarily be tied to an energy drink brand immediately, some of them are just plain bad, even in the shitty category of making yourself a walking billboard and tattooing company logos all over like some human racecar. Namely, the worst tattoo I saw from this category was a guy who tattooed a receipt from McDonald’s on his arm; not the golden arches, not Ronald McDonald’s face, but an actual receipt. I can only assume this was done for convenience’s sake so he can walk into a McDonald’s and order his favorite meal without stopping to take a breath and actually speak because his mouth is too busy gorging on what I can only imagine is a perpetual supply of artery clogging junk food.


Chinese/Japanese characters

This is a really old cliche… a guy thinks his kanji tattoo is the symbol for spirit or honor when in fact it means douche or dick. Knowing this, I expected to see a lot of characters for genitalia . In fact I found a disturbing lack of dick themed symbols, an overabundance of random strings of words like “Demon, Bird, Mothballs” or “Meanie, Crime, Poet” and a surprising amount of chinese food menu items. Again, like with the typo tattoos, how do you allow something like this to happen to you? Googling it beforehand is just so goddamn easy!


The “It seemed like a good idea at the time” tattoos

This is the category that I am at most risk of falling into myself because I honestly see the humor in tattooing Krang from the ninja turtles on your stomach, having a woman’s spread legs on your forearm and side so that your armpit hair makes a bush in between, or tattooing an animal in such a way that your belly button becomes it’s anus. Put enough alcohol in me and I just might say yes to a crazy idea like that because, let’s be honest, some of that shit is funny… for like a second… and then reality kicks in and you realize that no sane person would want something like that tattooed on their body forever! At least you should realize that but, as the sheer volume of stuff like this on the internet would lead us to believe, many don’t.


Face tattoos

Unless you are a Maori tribesman, someone who spends most of his time in a 6 by 8 prison cell, a bandit raider in a post apocalyptic Falloutesque hellscape or Mike Tyson you have no business having a face tattoo. Some of these tattoos are actually quite awesome and are something I would totally have if I was living in the aforementioned post-apocalyptic scenario but, alas, in the real world, what with its civilized society, it’s pesky job interviews and it’s tedious insistence on presentability and appearing professional, something like that is just not a good idea. Some, on the other hand, are not even worthy of any self-respecting road warrior or gangbanger. Like writing letters in cursive on your face, having an ice cream cone stamped on your cheek or the fabled face on your face or faceception as the kids are calling it these days.


Just plain bad tattoos

We’ve all seen these. Sometimes they are good tattoo ideas gone horribly wrong, sometimes they fall into one of the categories I’ve mentioned so far and sometimes they are just clichés like tigers or eagles or Jesus’ (Jesuses? Jesusi?). No matter what they were supposed to be, the initial idea is all but lost when compared to the mind numbing terribleness of the execution. There’s not much to say about this type of tattoo that just looking at the pictures won’t tell you… except maybe for this… HOW THE HELL DO YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!

 

Ghazghkull Journal author